like finding nemo, only better

i've been found!
the generous purveyor of the comment to the last post is the finder.
i am the gleeful findee.
big deal, you say? well as a matter of fact, it sort of is.

i've been on the move since before i started speaking. a quick count (meaning surely i've forgotten one or two) reveals that in my 30 years of existence, i have lived in 35 homes in 9 cities (11 if you count port arthur, fort william and the reserve of glorious thunder bay as separate - i've lived in 'em all). 25 of those since leaving the homestead at 19. 18? 18. whatever.

my first "big move" happened when i was 13. we moved from ritzy, wealthy, anglo beaconsfield (on the beautiful island of montreal) to working class, down-home-cooking, franco south shore (of same island). i kept in touch with no one. 3 years later, we moved to thunder bay. i don't wanna talk about it. suffice it to say i disappeared again. well, i kept in touch with one girl who proceeded to lose her fucking sense of reality and perspective. i don't wanna talk about it. let's just say that connection died suddenly, rapidly, and irrevocably. she broke my heart. blech whatever. same story with all the other cities. oh sure, a few half-assed attempts, the odd letter, the random awkward phone call, but basically, i just evaporated from friends' and family's lives.

it is only this last time, when i moved to toronto, that i've managed to maintain some sort of connection - thanks to email. but even that's been a bit tenuous...

i'm not sure exactly why i keep disappearing. you'd think that as a writer it would be easy for me to maintain contact, but it isn't. it's likely this whole unsure-of-myself shit has something to do with it. perhaps i'd pick up the pen and paper and think ah fuck, they won't remember me. they don't care. i'm gone, gone. out of sight, out of mind.

but then, someone i haven't seen nor spoken to in ..how long has it been Colin? found me! (and as a side note, i'd love to know how. i did a google search on my name, and while it filled me with a desire to travel to thailand, and taught me more about anime gaming than i ever thought i'd know, i couldn't find me, lil ol' me...) when Miranda told me he'd found me, i found myself lounging somewhere between perplexed (for reasons just mentioned) and content. content as in breathe deeply, relax, soak it in baby - like a spring sunbeam.

i'm trying to put my finger on it...
i think it's just that knowing i can be found makes me feel less lost.